She was on her way to becoming a college graduate
Wouldn’t even stop to talk to the average kid
The type of latina I’d sit and contemplate marriage with
Fu*k the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire
Disciplined, intellectual beauty’s what I desire
Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez
Everyone told me, kickin’ it to her was hopeless
At first I just thought, she didn’t mess with broke kids
The thug niggas always talking about, how they smoke kids
But the rich-sniff-coke kids got no play
“I’m not even interested” is what her body language would say
Everyone around the way, gave up trying to get in it
It didn’t matter how good your game was, she wasn’t with it
On the block, bitches was jealous, but wouldn’t admit it
Talk shit, and deny to everyone that they did it
‘Cause they regretted the long list of niggas that they let hit it
And no one ever gave them shit except McDonald’s and did-dick
Smoking weed with thoughts of envy, whenever they lit it
She spoke intelligently and they bit it, always trying to copy
But when they tried to use her vocab, they sounded sloppy
She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure
I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn’t a cure
[Hook – Jean Grae]
Don’t you know that, time waits for no man
Not fate, it’s all planned
I’m blessed just to know you
I’ve loved and I’ve lost just to hold you all night
Can’t find, a reason why
God came, between you and I
If I had the chance again, I’d never let you go
Hold tight to your love, ’cause you never know
Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad
I used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad
That I wasn’t just another nigga trying to get in it
So every now and then we’d stop and talk for a minute
I didn’t have a gimmick so the minutes turned to hours
On her birthday, I gave her a poem with flowers
Then I took her out to dinner after her cousin’s baby shower
We talked about, power to the people and such
We spent more time together but it was never enough
I never tried to sneak a touch, or even cop a feel
I was too interested, in keeping it real
Perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me “carino”,
And never Technique, bought me a new book to read every 2 or 3 weeks
Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak
It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks
She convinced me, to stop hangin’ out on the streets
To stop robbin’ and stealin’, from people like you
Instead I took her out to the Apollo and the Bronx Zoo
Musej del Barrio and the Metropolitan too
Got to the point when I was either with her or my crew
So I decided one day, to tell her my feelings was true
I couldn’t live without her so I told her, facing my fears
But honey’s only response, was a face full of tears
She could only sob hysterically, holding me tight
I tried to speak, but she wouldn’t stop until I left sight
I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light
Except I didn’t burn, I turned cold after that night
[Hook]
I went on with my life, college and my career
Ended up locked up like an animal for a year
Where the C.O.’s talk to you like they were the overseer
Then I got sent to the hole, when my exit was near
At night in my cell, I’d close my eyes and I’d see her
Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared
Just an empty cell until the state gave me parole in the summer
came back, in tact and on track
But the fact of the matter, is I still felt cold
Even after my mother, hugged me, cryin’ at home
My real niggas would catch me thinkin’, out of my zone
Fu*kin’ lots of different women, but I still felt alone
Relatively well-known around the New York underground
But I kept thinking of her and how we used to be down
The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair
Though gone physically, somehow it was still there
I had to do something, because the shit was too much to bear
So I went and visited the building where she used to live
The world looks a lot different after you do a bid
The way your life done changed
While primitive minds (are) still stuck in the same game
Like her cousin who was on the corner slangin’ cocaine
Stepped in the lobby and tapped the button next to her last name
Her mom buzzed me up and hugged me up, like a mother ought to
But her facial expression changed, when I asked about her daughter
[Hook]
She told me that there was a note for me, that was left behind
She had left it there waiting, for such a long time
I was inclined to ask about it but she brought it up first
I saw a tear swelling up in her eye, and then she cursed
She told me where the letter was and I started thinking the worst
Reversed my position, stepped over and opened the door
And sure enough there was an envelope with my name on the floor
“Nobody loves you more than me carino” is what the letter said
“By the time you get to read this, I’ll probably be dead
But when you left in ’97 a part of me went to Heaven
I thank God at least I got to know what love really was
But it hurt me, to see what true love really does
‘Cause even though we never made love, you were all that there was
It was because I loved you so much that I had to make you leave
You made me doubt the way I thought, you made me want to believe
And then I slipped up, and I let you get close to me
It was hard to not be openly when people spoke to me
This was not the way I thought my life was supposed to be
Baby don’t you see, I had a blood transfusion that left me with HIV
Hope didn’t exists for me since late in 1993
I died a virgin, I wish I could’ve given myself to you
I cried in the hospital because there was no one else but you
Promise that you’ll meet me in paradise inevitably
No matter what, I’ll keep your love forever with me”
What happened for the rest of the day is still a blur
But I remember wishing that I was dead, instead of her
She was buried on August 3rd
The story ends without a sequel
And now you know why Technique, don’t fu*king fall in love with people
Hold the person that you love closely if they’re next to you
The one you love, not the person that’ll simply have sex with you
Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond
‘Cause you never really know what you got, until it’s gone
Prevod pesme
Nikad ne znaš
Završavala je studije
Nije htela ni da priča sa jednim običnim klincem
Baš onakva latino devojka kakvu bih oženio
Je*eš ona sranja o princu na belom konju, njena ljubav nikad nije bila na prodaju
Disciplinova, lepa intelektualka, to je ono što ja želim
Od Selme Hajek i Dženifer Lopez veća
Svi kažu da je ona nedostižna
U početku sam mislio da se ona samo ne bakće sa momcima bez prebijene pare
Mangupi su uvek pričali kako puše
Ali bogati momci što šmrkaju kokain nemaju šanse
“Uopšte nisam zainteresovana” videlo se po njenom govoru tela
Svi su od pokušavanja odustali
Bez obzira koliko im to dobro išlo, nju nije zanimalo
U kraju, kučke su bile ljubomorne, ali nisu priznavale
Opajkavale su i poricale da su to radile
Jer su se pokajale zbog duge liste crnja s kojima su spavale
I ni od koga nikad ništa nisu dobile sem McDonalds-a i ku*ca
Duvale su travu a zavist im se javljala kad god bi zapalile
Ona je pričala pametno a one su nasedale, uvek je kopirale
Ali kad god bi probale da njen rečnik koriste, zvučale su nikako
Ona je imala svoj stil, učtiva i čista
Zbog nje sam poludeo i tome nije bilo leka
[Jean Grae refren]
Zar ne znaš da vreme nikog ne čeka
Ništa se ne dešava slučajno, sve je to zapisano
Imam sreće što sam te poznavala
Volela sam i izgubila da mi u naručju budeš celu noć
Ne vidim razlog zašto
Bog se isprečio između tebe i mene
Kad bih ponovo imala priliku, nikad te ne bih pustila
Tvoje ljubavi čvrsto bih se držala, jer nikad ne znaš
Njene oči su smeđe i prelepe ali prazne i tužne
Nekad sam s vremena na vreme pričao s njom, i bilo joj je drago
što nisam samo još jedan crnja koji bi da joj se uvuče u gaće
Tako bi svako malo zastali i na minut popričali
Ja sam bio stvarno zainteresovan pa su se ti minuti u sate pretvarali
Za rođendan sam joj poklonio pesmu i cveće
Onda sam je izveo na večeru nakon proslave rođenja bebe njene rođake
Pričali smo o narodnoj revoluciji i tome sličnom
Provodili više vremena zajedno ali nikad nije bilo dovoljno
Nikad nisam pokušao da je krišom dodirnem ni da je opipam
Previše sam želeo da sve to bude kako treba
Potpuno iskrena i savršena, uvek me je zvala “dragi”,
I nikad Tehnik, kupovala mi novu knjigu za čitanje, svake 2 ili 3 nedelje
Zauvek menjajući način na koji se izražavam
Zbog nje sam čak zaboravio svoje drogoše
Ubedila me je da prestanem visiti na ulicama
Da prestanem pljačkati i krasti od ljudi kao što si ti
Umesto toga, vodio sam je u Apolo i zoološki vrt u Bronksu
Muzej Barrio i u Metropolitan
Došlo je do toga da sam morao birati da li ću biti s njom ili s ekipom
Tako da sam jednog dana odlučio da joj kažem da su moja osećanja prava
Nisam mogao da živim bez nje pa sam joj rekao, sa svojim se strahovima suočio
Ali jedini odgovor moje drage bilo je lice obliveno suzama
Bila je u stanju jedino da histerično jeca, grleći me čvrsto
Pokušao sam da progovorim, ali nije prestajala dok joj se nisam izgubio iz vida
Osećao sam se kao noćni leptir koji se previše približio svetlu
Ali ja nisam izgoreo, posle te noći sam se ohladio
[Jean Grae refren]
Nastavio sam sa svojim životom, studiranjem i karijerom
Završio, kao neka životinja, na godinu dana iza rešetaka
Gde zatvorski čuvari pričaju s tobom kao da su upravnici
A onda su me poslali u rupu kad se bližilo vreme mog izlaska
Noću u svojoj ćeliji, zatvorio bih oči i video nju
U svojim snovima čvrsto sam je grlio ali ona bi nestala kad bih se probudio
Imao sam samo praznu ćeliju dok me sledećeg leta država nije pomilovala
Vratio sam se, netaknut i sve po planu
Ali činjenica je, još mi je bilo hladno
I čak i nakon što me je mama, kod kuće, plačući grlila
Moji pravi pajtosi hvatali su me obeznanjenog
Jbt, mnogo različitih žena, ali ja sam i dalje bio usamljen
Relativno dobro poznat po njujorškom podzemlju
Ali ja sam i dalje mislio na nju i kako nam je nekad bilo
Zvuk njenog glasa i predivni miris njene kose
Iako fizički odsutni, nekako su još bili tu
Morao sam nešto uraditi, jer to sranje nisam mogao podneti
Tako da sam otišao do zgrade u kojoj je ona nekad stanovala
Sve ti izgleda mnogo drugačije nakon što odležiš svoje
Život ti se promeni
Dok primitivci i dalje ostaju zakucani u istoj šemi
Kao njen rođak koji i dalje na uglu kokain diluje
Kročio sam u predvorje i pritisnuo dugme kraj njenog prezimena
Njena mama me je pustila unutra i dočekala zagrljajem kao što bi jedna majka i trebala
Ali njen izaz lica se promenio kad sam za njenu kćer upitao
[Jean Grae refren]
Rekla mi je da ima neku poruku koju je za mene ostavila
Poruka me je tamo jako dugo čekala
Hteo sam da pitam za nju ali ona ju je prva pomenula
Video sam da su joj se oči napunile suzama ali onda je opsovala
Rekla mi je gde je pismo i ja sam počeo misliti na najgore
Okrenuo se, koraknuo i vrata otvorio
I naravno, na podu je bila koverta naslovljena na mene
“Niko te ne voli više od mene, dragi” u pismu pisalo je
“Kad budeš ovo čitao, ja ću verovatno biti mrtva
Ali, kada si otišao, ’97, deo mene otišao je u raj
Zahvaljujem Bogu što sam bar spoznala ljubav
Ali povredilo me je kad sam shvatila kako prava ljubav u stvari deluje
Jer, iako nikad nismo vodili ljubav, ti si mi bio sve
Zato što sam te toliko volela da sam te morala oterati
Zbog tebe sam sumnjala u svoje stavove, zbog tebe sam poželela da verujem
A onda sam napravila veliku grešku i dozvolila ti da mi se približiš
Bilo mi je teško što nisam mogla biti otvorena prema ljudima
Nisam mislila da moj život tako treba da izgleda
Dušo, zar ne vidiš, imala sam transfuziju krvi od koje sam dobila HIV
Do pred kraj 1993. za mene nije bilo nade
Umrla sam kao devica, volela bih da sam ti se mogla dati
Plakala sam u bolnici jer nije postojao niko sem tebe
Obećavam da ćemo se sresti u raju
Bez obzira na sve, tvoju ljubav zauvek čuvaću”
Sve što se dešavalo kasnije tog dana, mutno mi je u sećanju
Ali sećam se da sam želeo da sam umro ja, umesto nje
Ona je sahranjena 03. avgusta
Ta priča se završava bez nastavka
I sada znate zašto se Tehnik ne zaljubljuje
Ako ste pored voljene osobe, čvrsto je držite
Onu koju volite, ne osobu koja će prosto spavati s vama
Cenite je u potpunosti, i više od toga
Jer nikad ne znaš šta imaš dok to ne izgubiš